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A true friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today, just the way you are.--- Anon

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For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
-Virginia Woolf (1882 - 1941)

Ok. Sex is fine. Sex is good. Sex is GREAT! Okay, okay, we need men for sex... Do we need so many?
-Martin Sage and Sybil Adelman

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
-Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)>

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
-Timothy Leary (1920 - 1996)

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Period Heavy Post Ahead

I HATE my period. And not for the usual reasons. I am not bedridden with god-awful cramps. I don't have muscle aches or feel bloated. I hate my period for one simple reason: I can't hide the damn thing!

Bitch I Am

First of all, there is the day before. I used to think that I did not suffer from any type of PMS. Apparently I was wrong. The day before I've been told that I turn into the Wicked Witch of the West, and I add a little bit of Cruella DeVille into the mix as well. I used to argue with people all the time, telling tham that I didn't get that way. One of my exes finally got tired of me claiming I didnt have an attitude problem right before, so he started pointing out to me when my period was gonna be(they are not regular, so no, he didn't just mark a calendar.) After about 3 months of him saying "You're going to start tomorrow," me biting his head off, then him being right I decided maybe there was something to this. So now i know my period is given away by the fact that my normally sweet demeanor turns into the equivalent of Professor Snape after the Gryffindors beat the Slytherins at quidditch(if you don't get the reference than you are not one of the cool kids.)

Public Humiliation

Not only do I advertise the fact that my period is coming, I remind people I have it all day long every day. Why can't they make a discreet overnight super heavy duty pad? One that isn't the size of a pillowcase? I'm one of those lucky girls who has an incredibly heavy flow(sorry guys, but it's a fact of life. Deal with it.) so I have to make my way to the bathroom with a pillow size pad and a tampon the size of a plunger. This means that I have to take my purse to the bathroom, ALWAYS a dead giveaway, or try and stuff them in discreet places on my person. Let me tell you, it is hard to stuff a pillow in a pocket discreetly. Especially when the package crinkles and crackles loudly. And it always happens that everyone in the room picks that exact moment to be quiet. Everyone hears the tell-tale crinkle when you try and walk.

Not A Good Purse

One time I wanted to make it to the bathroom without anyone knowing, so I took the tampon and put it in my bra. Bad idea! When I got to the bathroom it was missing. I had to retrace my steps and find the damn thing again. Of course it was in the middle of the floor where everyone could see it. I was like Hansel and Gretel, except instead of dropping bread crumbs from my hand, I was dropping tampons from my boobs.

Inconsiderate Thugs

The other thing I hate about periods is boyfriends. They just don't understand! As I have said before I have a very heavy flow. Kind of like the Nile after Moses had turned it to blood. It is not fun. And boyfriends always like to find fun names for period time. Pizza with extra sauce and gushy clotty stuff are two ways boyfriends have refered to my period. My personal favorite comes from Paul. He would say I was "shitting blood from my vagina."(I will admit this did make me laugh and forget for a moment how disgusted I was with my blood shitting vagina, but that is NOT the point!) All of them bring incredibly pleasant images to mind. None of these make me want to tear their penis's off so they can know what it is like to gush blood from their nether regions. Nope, never had that urge at all.

Sara needed you at 4:12 PM

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