One of my best friends, B (this is one case where I will use acronyms, just in case), is a black gay man. Normally I don't make the distinction of black and white when I write about people, but in this case I've been told that it matters. They tell me that the only thing more difficult than being a gay man is being a black gay man.

Last Thanksgiving, B and I had dinner for a bunch of his friends who did not have family to go to. Let me explain, it's not that they didn't have family in the area, it's that their families wouldn't let them come for Thanksgiving dinner. These were just boys, ranging in age from 16-23, whose moms and dads had abandoned them.

B's parents know he is gay but they just ignore it. His pain comes from the fact that he can never take someone home and say "Mom, Dad, I want to share this wonderful person who I love very much with you both. I want him to see who helped me become the man I am today." His regret is that he will never be able to have his family meet his family. In having this pain, he is actually one of the lucky ones. A lot of his acquaintances have been ostracized by family who always promised to love them. They just forgot to add, "Unless, of course, you are gay."

This is something I don't understand. Someone told me that these parents have trouble acknowledging their kids because they are doing something that has been ingrained in their minds and morals as wrong from a very young age. I understand that to a lot of people this is a huge sin, but that can't be the only reason the parents refuse to acknowledge their children. Children commit huge sins every day and parents forgive them.

Parents forgive their daughter who had a child out of wedlock. This is something a lot of people were raised to think was a terrible sin. It seems to me it is not the fact that their child has sinned that is the problem. It seems it's the fact that the sin is being gay that's the problem. Why would you forgive your child as a murderer before you would acknowledge their sexuality?

I can understand thinking it's wrong. I'm not saying that these parents should become PFLAG members and march in parades. But at least have your child home for Thanksgiving and Christmas.