I just entered the world of online dating services. This isn't a terrible thing, I've done it before. In fact it is how I met my last boyfriend. But it is very tiring.

First of all, you have to come up with witty answers to a lot of boring questions. When the question is something like "What is your favorite Saturday night activity with a partner?" you just know the answer "Watching TV, sleeping, and seeing if I can get my boyfriend to cook AND do the dishes" just won't cut it.

So instead I find myself dissecting my regular activities and turning them into "Online Dating Propaganda."

Talking immediately becomes "Intelligent Conversation"

Going to the movies becomes "Attending Many Cultural Events."

One badminton game a month turns into "A Healthy Enjoyment of Outdoor Activities."

After writing your own code phrases you have to interpret what the guy writes. You have to determine the difference between what he SAYS he is looking for and what he is ACTUALLY looking for.

"I am looking for a partner who enjoys a healthy lifestyle" becomes "any broad who weighs more than 105 lbs need not apply."

"Someone who is self sufficient" means "I am not paying for a damn thing. You like going dutch?"

"Emotionally healthy" means "A woman who thinks more like a guy than I do because I can't deal with emotions! You're not on you're period, are you?"

After the interpreting phase is the awkward first communication phase when you feel like you are putting out an advertising flyer for yourself-and a bad one at that-"My name is Sara. I really like reading and great conversation. But I like to go to the bar and play pool. And I work full time and I am a full time student. And I like to cook. And long walks on the beach. (you ALWAYS have to put an outdoor thing on there to show you're well rounded.) And I have a great sense of humor. What do you enjoy?"

Then his awkward reply-"Man, I never what to say to this but here goes.(Someone will ALWAYS say this, it is inevitable. If they don't you feel obliged to. It's like someone has to acknowledge that neither of you is communicating like you have passed third grade.) My name is Brian. I am 5'6" and I work as an embalmer for the local funeral home, but that's not as creepy as it sounds! I don't kill the people, I only stuff them! Sorry, bad joke. But I do like a laugh and it sounds like you do to so we should talk sometime."

After a few more of these back and forth letters you reach the awkward stage where you have to decide who gives who which phone number yet. Then comes the awkward fist date where you pray you look enough like the picture that you took hours to find that he actually recognizes you. But I am still at the awkward letters stage. I haven't reached the phone call or date stage yet.